jean9

i don’t think i am doing this right. why do i keep feeling limited? i think i’m open yet closed at the same time. open-minded yet so judgmental. my perspective is so limited. i need to let myself go. and turn to the source. the source of consistency. the source of wisdom. the source of unconditional, unchanging, life-changing, people-changing love. i want to think lovingly, speak lovingly and act lovingly. i want to love with everything i have. like how my friend phrased it: i want to love like a hurricane.

i am writing this all out so i can later see and laugh at  how ridiculous this has been. i warn you it’s long and probably not really worth spending however long it’d take you to read this. the only thing that might interest whoever you are is probably… my semi-final schedule, which is at the very bottom of this entry!

it’s been a crazy past couple of days for me… i am not sure what triggered it, but i began messing with the schedule i originally had and now after hours and hours of tweaking here and there, i am left with somewhat of a beautiful mess in my hands. 75% different from what i had started with two days ago… this should at least kind of freak my out, but oddly, i feel very excited!

okay so here is how it all started.

i had originally enrolled in:

psychology stat,
painting,
biochemistry,
child clinical psychology

which, according to a lot of people seemed very well-balanced and fine. but after realizing my interest in preparing for the dental school, i wasn’t sure whether taking biochem now would be a good idea. and i was scared of biochemistry anyway so i decided to take physics now, which seemed like a better idea. but that meant i probably would have to stay at duke to take physics II instead of studying abroad in the spring semester. so after that decision, i had:

psychology stat,
painting,
physics
child clinical psychology

but as i was reading about child clinical psychology, i realized it’d be better if i take psych research method first so that i am not so lost when i am reading about piles and piles of research papers. so i looked for and found the perfect psych research method class, which unfortunately requires permission number and pre-req of developmental psychology, which i do not have. i emailed the professor anyway and it seems that i might be able to nudge myself in! however, the time overlaps with psychology stat… so i thought well i can take that later anyway.

psych: child observation (research methods)
child clinical psychology
physics
painting

now now, i have been wanting to take an acting class and wanda, misty, wendy jin told me of this great amazing theater professor who was going to teach this semester. so i looked up intro to acting, which counts as a small group learning, which i need! perfect. since painting was going to cost a fortune… i felt more drawn to take acting this semester. so here is my new and revised schedule:

psych: child observation (research methods)
child clinical psychology
physics
intro to acting
(and social dancing — I’ve always been enrolled this half credit course. i may or may not drop it)

ok so.. that should take care of the problem of being waitlisted in like half of my classes in my original schedule. i am now only waitlisted in the acting class. sadly, i don’t think i will get in. but we will see! i think i am excited to go back to school! i love school. note to self: i love school. i really do. don’t forget it.